


this is why we can't have nice things, or wholesome chats

by aIexanderbane



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/F, M/M, Mostly Crack, Multi, Trans Character, chatfic, idk how to tag, or what to tag, they are all lgbt - Freeform, volley(balls) - Freeform, will probably be some angst - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13439718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aIexanderbane/pseuds/aIexanderbane
Summary: daichi just wanted to make a group chat for the team to ask a simple questionnothing ever goes daichi's way





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [morgan.](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=morgan.).



> screen names
> 
> daichi - sawamura daichi / dadchi  
> suga - sugawara koushi / sugamama  
> asashi - azumane asahi / jesus  
> noya - nishinoya yuu / ROLLING THUNDER  
> tanaka - tanaka ryuunosuke / tanaka-senpai  
> ennoshita - ennoshita chikara  
> kinoshita - kinoshita hisashi  
> narita - narita kazuhito  
> hinata - hinata shouyou / dumbass  
> kageyama - kageyama tobio  
> tsukki - tsukishima kei  
> yamaguchi - yamaguchi tadashi  
> 

**Sawamura Daichi** created a chat

**Sawamura Daichi** added **Sugawara Koushi, Azumane Asahi + 11 others**

**Sawamura Daichi:** Hello team!

**Tsukishima Kei** left

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke** added **Tsukishima Kei**.

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke:** NOBODY GETS TO LEAVE

**Tanaka Ryuunosuke** changed their name to **tanaka-senpai**

**tanaka-senpai:** dadchi has got something to say

**Sugawara Koushi:** DADCHI

**Sawamura Daichi's** name was changed to **dadchi**

**dadchi:** This chat has existed for about five minutes and I already want to jump off of a building.

**Hinata Shouyou:** DAICHI!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S BAD NO DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Hinata Shouyou's** name was changed to **dumbass**

**dumbass:** WHO DID THAT??????

**Azumane Asahi:** Don't worry, Hinata! Daichi is just joking!

**Sugawara Koushi:** he better be, i'm not ready to be a single mother

**Sugawara Koushi's** name was changed to **sugamama**

**sugamama:** yeah i'm fine with this

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** why is daichi-senpai hitting his head against the wall in the locker room? i'm concerned and too afraid to ask

**Tsukishima Kei:** hi yamaguchi

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** !!!! tsukki!!!!

**Nishinoya Yuu** changed their name to **ROLLING THUNDER**

**ROLLING THUNDER:** THAT'S GAY

**Tsukishima Kei:** i'm literally homosexual

**ROLLING THUNDER:** SAME

**sugamama:** i have talked to the dad and he's ready to talk but first

**sugamama:** role call

**sugamama:** asahi?

**Azumane Asahi:** Here!

**Azumane Asahi's** name was changed to **jesus**

**jesus:** Thank you?

**sugamama:** tanaka?

**tanaka-senpai:** YEAHHH

**sugamama:** ennoshita?

**Ennoshita Chikara:** i'm here! narita and kinoshita are with me but they're playing video games so i'll just read it out loud for them

**sugamama:** good enough

**sugamama:** noya?

**ROLLING THUNDER:** I'M HERE I'M QUEER

**sugamama:** sweetie we all are

**sugamama:** kageyama?

**Kageyama Tobio:** here.

**dumbass:** have u just been creeping??????

**Kageyama Tobio:** yes.

**sugamama:** k idc

**sugamama:** hinata you're obviously here, so. freckle son?

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** here!

**sugamama:** tsukishima?

**Tsukishima Kei:** tch

**sugamama:** good enough!

**sugamama:** shimizu-san and yachi-san already know about this so we don't need them to be here

**sugamama:** not that we don't want them here

**sugamama:** i love my daughter and the goddess

**sugamama:** anyway, daichi?

**dadchi:** Who stole my towel?

**Tsukishima Kei:** . is this seriously what you wanted to say?

**dadchi:** Yes.

**Tsukishima Kei** left

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** tsukki :(((

**dadchi:** I need a drink.

**sugamama:** mood but no


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the towel is found, and tsukishima is added back
> 
> against his will of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> screen names
> 
> daichi - sawamura daichi / dadchi  
> suga - sugawara koushi / sugamama  
> asashi - azumane asahi / jesus  
> noya - nishinoya yuu / ROLLING THUNDER  
> tanaka - tanaka ryuunosuke / tanaka-senpai  
> ennoshita - ennoshita chikara  
> kinoshita - kinoshita hisashi  
> narita - narita kazuhito  
> hinata - hinata shouyou / dumbass  
> kageyama - kageyama tobio / kagayama  
> tsukki - tsukishima kei  
> yamaguchi - yamaguchi tadashi  
> yachi - yachi hitoka / yacht

**Yamaguchi Tadashi** added **Tsukishima Kei** to the chat

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** please don't leave tsukki :(

 **Tsukishima Kei:** but i don't want to be here

 **sugamama:** that's what the people with common sense in america said when they elected a new president, but they are still there

 **dadchi:**  Maybe not the best example.

 **sugamama:** don't test me daichi

 **Yachi Hitoka:** hello guys! kiyoko-san and i found a towel in a puddle outside of the locker room and we were wondering if it belongs to you, daichi-senpai?

 **dumbass:** YACHI!!!!!!

 **Yachi Hitoka:** ... hinata?

 **dumbass:** hello!!!!!

 **Yachi Hitoka:** hi!

 **dadchi:** Hi Yacht, what colour is the towel?

 **Yachi Hitoka:** it's white but it says "d-man" on it in a corner in sharpie

 **sugamama:** yes that's daichi's towel

 **Tsukishima Kei:** d-man

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** idk what's happening here but it made tsukki laugh so thank you!

 **Tsukishima Kei:** shut up yamaguchi

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi:** sorry tsukki

 **ROLLING THUNDER:** HAHAHAHAHAH D-MAN AHHAAHHA

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** ,,, why.

 **Yachi Hitoka** changed their name to **yacht**

 **yacht:** how did no one notice that daichi-senpai called me yacht

 **dadchi:** This is a train wreck.

 **ROLLING THUNDER:** WANNA HEAR ABOUT TRAIN WRECK? HAHAH I HEARD A GIRL ASK ASAHI IF HE WAS THEIR NEW TEACHER

 **jesus:** :(((

 **jesus:** I just waned to tell her that she had tucked her skirt into her underwear :((

 **Kageyama Tobio:** you were blocking the vending machine.

 **jesus:** Sorry Kageyama :((

 **Kageyama Tobio:** i was trying to get yogurt for me and hinata. you slowed me down so we didn't have time before classes started again.

 **jesus:** I'M SO SORRY :((((

 **Kageyama Tobio's** name was changed to **kagayama**

 **kagayama:** it's fine.

 **kagayama:** who did this to my name.

 **kagayama:** how do i change it.

 **dumbass:** u don't!!!!!

 **kagayama:** angry face emoji.

 **sugamama:** let's not comment on kageyama's emoji skills ok kids?

 **ROLLING THUNDER:** RYU ERASED A WHOLE MESSAGE ABOUT IT HAHA

 **tanaka-senpai:** >:(

 **dadchi:** So, Yachi-chan, can I have my towel?

 **yacht:** kiyoko-san put it in the locker room

 **dadchi:** Thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another group chat is introduced

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> screen names
> 
> hinata - shosho  
> yamaguchi - gucci  
> kenma - applepi  
> akaashi - gender? idk them

**[no cis peoples allowed]**

 

 **shosho:**!!! my new binder came!!!!!

 **gucci:** bless

 **applepi:** that's nice shouyou

 **gender? idk them:** That's really great, Hinata. Does it fit well?

 **shosho:** yes!! it fits rlly great!!!!

 **gucci:** send me a link to the website if it's of good quality but not too expensive, please?

 **shosho:** of course!!!!!!

 **applepi:** akaashi collect your owl he's harassing my skype call with kuro

 **gender? idk them:**  No he's on a time out.

 **gucci:** a time out?

 **gender? idk them:**  He rick rolled me so I'm not talking to him until tomorrow.

 **applepi:** understandable

 **shosho:** i tried to rickroll kageyama but he thought it was just a normal song :((

 **gucci:** tsukki rickrolled me once

 **shosho:** STINGYSHIMA KNOWS MEMES????

 **gucci:** tsukki is a meme lord

 **applepi:** why are you and akaashi dating meme lords? i don't understand

 **shosho:** kuroo is a meme lord too kenma!!!!

 **gucci:** i'm not dating tsukki?

 **gender? idk them:** Well, he asked me out and I accidentally said yes.

 **applepi:** kuro is a meme but i'm not dating him

 **applepi:** he's one of the cursed heterosexuals

 **gender? idk them:** I can't believe you just said that Kuroo is straight.

 **gender? idk them:** Didn't he flirt with Sugawara-san the first time they met?

 **shosho:** OOOO IS THAT WHY DAICHI DID THE KAGEYAMA EYES AT HIM????

 **applepi:** i don't like your setter, he's very

 **applepi:** uhm

 **gucci:** let's leave it at this, he's very kageyama

 **applepi:** yes ^

 **applepi:** also, tadashi, i thought you were dating tsukishima. sorry for assuming

 **gucci:** oh no it's fine!!!

 **gender? idk them:** Basically all three of you are single but obviously pining.

 **shosho:** NO!!!!!!

 **gucci:** you sniffed kageyama when you stood behind him yesterday hinata

 **applepi:** i'm not pining, i'm gaming. bye.

 **shosho:** BYE BYE KENMA I'LL TEXT YOU LATER!!!!

 **shosho:** yamaguchi that's not true!!!

 **shosho:** besides!!! stingyshima likes you too so you should go for it!!!

 **gucci:** tsukki is gay hinata

 **shosho:** so??? you're a boy!!! he's a boy!!! that's gay!!!

 **gucci:** yeah but what about when it comes to the like,,, nakey stuff

 **gender? idk them:** I must say that Hinata is right. Not every male has a penis and a flat chest.

 **gender? idk them:**  Besides, Tsukishima knows that you're trans, right?

 **gucci:** right!

 **gender? idk them:** Then he also knows that your private parts aren't exactly what society has decided are the boy parts, but he also knows that you're a boy. Do you trust Tsukishima?

 **gucci:** of course i trust tsukki! he's my best friend

 **gender? idk them:** Do you trust that he sees you as a male?

 **gucci:** yes.

 **gender? idk them:** Then you just have to trust him and yourself and maybe have a chat about it if you want to have something more than friendship with him.

 **gender? idk them:** I'm really not sure about this since I figured out my gender and pronouns after getting together with Koutarou.

 **shosho:** stingyshima sucks but he likes you!!! he will be nice to you!!!

 **gucci:** i know that, hinata. tsukki is very kind

 **gucci:** thank you, akaashi. i'll think about it

 **gender? idk them:** No problem, really.

 **gucci:** do we talk about hinata's obvious crush on kageyama now?

 **shosho:** i have to go and colour with natsu! bye!

 **gender? idk them:** Oh well, at least he's vaguely aware of his feelings.

 **gucci:** yeah

 **gender? idk them:** I should go and get Koutarou, according to his snapchat story he's nursing a sick Kuroo and I'm pretty sure one of them is going to get killed if he cooks.

 **gucci:** good luck akaashi! i have to go and do homework anyway

 **gender? idk them:** Good luck to you, too, Yamaguchi.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's just a mess okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> daichi - dadchi  
> suga - sugamama  
> asashi - jesus  
> noya - ROLLING THUNDER  
> tanaka - tanaka-senpai  
> ennoshita - ennoshita chikara  
> kinoshita - kinoshita hisashi  
> narita - narita kazuhito  
> hinata - dumbass  
> kageyama - kagayama  
> tsukki - tsukishima kei  
> yamaguchi - yamaguchi tadashi  
> kiyoko - shimizu kiyoko  
> yachi - yacht

**ROLLING THUNDER** set the chat name to **MURDER**

 

**jesus:** Yuu? Why?

**ROLLING THUNDER:** KINOSHITA TOLD ME THAT A GROUP OF CROWS IS CALLED A MURDER

**Narita Kazuhito:** ,,, babe,,, why,,, don't tell him stuff like that he gets way too excited

**Kinoshita Hisashi:** soz

**tanaka-senpai:** wow guys ur alive

**tanka-senpai:** can't believe u ignored this awesome gc

**kagayama:** angry face emoji.

**tanka-senpai:** ,,, yes thank u kageyama

**kagayama:** no problem.

**Kinoshita Hisashi:** well u see, we have lives to live and u don't so that's why we haven't been active here

**dumbass:** kinoshita :(((

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** that's mean :((

**Narita Kazuhito:** great going hon, you hurt the pure ones

**Kinoshita Hisashi:** ,,, dad will buy u pork buns tomorrow after practice

**dumbass:** :))))

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** !!!!!

**dadchi:** Wait what?

**Tsukishima Kei:** yamaguchi are you on your way or

**Yamaguchi Tadashi:** yeah!! i'm getting on my bike now. i'll be there soon!

**Tsukishima Kei:** ok

**ROLLING THUNDER:** OOOH A DATE ;;)))

**Tsukishima Kei:** die

**ROLLING THUNDER:** god i wish

**dumbass:** did noya-senpai just write in not caps

**jesus:** Yuu, are you okay?

**jesus:** I'm on my way over.

**Kinoshita Hisashi:** daz cute

**Narita Kazuhito:** hisashi shut your fuck or you won't get to fuck

**Tsukishima Kei:** i want to bleach my eyes

**sugamama:** wait another set of my sons are dating?

**sugamama:** amazing :')

**Narita Kazuhito:** we've been dating since last year

**sugamama:** EXCUSE ME WHAT

**Kinoshita Hisashi:** yeah???

**sugamama:** i need to lay down i'm having a crisis

**sugamama:** is anyone else in here dating

**sugamama:** except for asahi and noya, and kinoshita and narita

**Shimizu Kiyoko:** Hitoka and I.

**tanaka-senpai:** EXCUSE ME WHAT

**yacht:** yeah i don't know how either

**sugamama:** i'm in shock what

**Shimizu Kiyoko:** Hitoka is a very amazing girlfriend, don't be so shocked.

**Ennoshita Chikara:** i wake up from a nap and half the chat is dating, suga is having a crisis, and something is wrong with lil thunderball?

**kagayama:** go back to bed while you still can.

**dumbass:** that's creepy kageyama!!!!

**Ennoshita Chikara:** ,,,, okay bye


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> light angst and oikawa makes an appearance
> 
> bc i love that shitty dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> screen names
> 
> noya - nishinoya yuu / yuu <3  
> oikawa - oikawa tooru  
> asahi - ASAHI <3
> 
> (just to clarify, asanoya are talking through actual text messages and not whatever chat thing they use otherwise so they didn't choose their own contact names)

**Nishinoya Yuu:** hello oikawa-san?

**Oikawa Tooru:** tiny libero-chan~~~~

**Oikawa Tooru:** how did you get my skype~~~

**Nishinoya Yuu:** im not tiny

**Nishinoya Yuu:** i asked iwaizumi-san for it yesterday

**Oikawa Tooru:** i cannot believe iwa-chan betrayed me like this

**Nishinoya Yuu:** he said that i could talk toou about volleyball at aoba johsai since u r the captain

**Oikawa Tooru:** oh! well you would have to join with the first years next year if you do transfer. are you transferring for sure~

**Nishinoya Yuu:** idk my parents r still talking about it

**Oikawa Tooru:** but libero-chan, you could just take the bus to karasuno

**Nishinoya Yuu:** ik my parents are unsure of if they can trust me alone on a bus im too scattered and would get lost

**Oikawa Tooru:** well, it's not too far and the bus goes straight there~~~

**Nishinoya Yuu:** rlly? ill tell my parents that

**Nishinoya Yuu:** thanks oikawa-san

**Nishinoya Yuu:**  u arent that much of a horrible dude

**Oikawa Tooru:** LIBERO-CHAN THAT'S RUDE I'M NOT A HORRIBLE DUDE AT ALL

**Nishinoya Yuu:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Oikawa Tooru:** why must everyone bully me like this

 

***

 

**yuu <3:** im back home now

**ASAHI <3:** How did it go?

**yuu <3:** it went alright most of the volleyball team dont like me bc yknow

**yuu <3:** we play against each other

**ASAHI <3:** Oh :(

**ASAHI <3:** Do you want me to come over? I could ask my mom if I can bike over

**yuu <3:** that would be nice

**ASAHI <3:** I'll be on my way soon. And remember that your parents said that they'll consider letting you stay at Karasuno even after you move, and you'd have to actually get in to Aoba Johsai, too

**ASAHI <3:** Not that I doubt that you could! I believe that you can do anything!

**yuu <3:** i love u

**ASAHI <3:** I love you, too, Yuu


End file.
